• To Alexandra

    On Mother's Day, 1996

  • My Sweet Angel, 
    What a precious gift God has given to me in you. 
    At first, there were so many things I did not understand... 
    Why would God give me a child who was not perfect... 
    I did not understand that it was I who could not see. 
    I grieved for all you would never do... 
    For the first steps you will never take, 
    For the tricycle you will never ride, 
    For the roller skates you will never own,
    For the first date you will never have, 
    For the prom you will never go to,
    For the joy that you will never know of having your own child. 
    I grieved for myself... 
    For never being able to hear you say, "I love you, Mommy"
    For never being able to teach you all the things I wanted to share with you, 
    For never being able to see you in a lovely wedding gown, 
    For the grandchildren I'll never have. 
    The pain of losing those things will never, ever go away. 
    But now I know...now I understand...
    You are a very special gift. 
    What you have to give transcends all those things I have grieved.
    How can I possibly tell you how very much you have taught me? 
    I am amazed that I could learn so much from a child... 
    A child whom others think has so little to give this world... 
    You cannot speak, but you say so much...
    Your infinite patience without complaining, 
    Your pure and simple innocence, 
    Your tolerance of so much that others could not bear, 
    Your sheer delight in even the simplest things, 
    Your quick, beautiful smile even when all is not well with you. 
    You have shown me things in myself that I never knew were there. 
    You have taught me so much about life. 
    Now I know...now I understand... 
    It is you who gives me strength, 
    It is you who has so much to give and so much to teach me. 
    God has blessed me with a very special gift 
    ...the gift of Alexandra. 
    I love you. 
     
     
    Susan E. Hall
    May 5, 1996
    hall@casdo.cas.usf.edu

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